Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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