I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize