i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
