The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
