my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize