how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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