i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
