I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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