I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
