i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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