i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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