Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
