My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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