he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have feelings that need drinking.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
