I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
