We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
