Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
