we're chasing vodka with high fives
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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