I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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