Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
