i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
