so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This baby is an asshole
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
