I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
