Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
