Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
