Betty ford says i'm here all night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
