I'm drive I can fine osifer
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
