thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
