You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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