I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
