His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
