i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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