mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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