she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
