Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
