Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
