sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize