I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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