I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
