The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
These tits shall not be calmed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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