shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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