All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
