Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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