my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
