I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
