Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That accounts for only three of the penises
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
