I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The best revenge is premature balding
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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