just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
