we're chasing vodka with high fives
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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