They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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