If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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