Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize