I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
