We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
