I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize