fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize