I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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