I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
