And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
