Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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