Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
