nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
