no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
