YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
