fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
