i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
