my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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