help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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