I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
