you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
